Satan Endorses Jill Stein, Green Party Candidate
April 1, 2016
April 1, 2016
Satan, Overlord of the Underworld, came out in favor of Green Party presidential candidate Jill Stein, M.D., at a press conference in Death Valley, California, this morning. This is a historic event, commentators say, as it represents the first time the Great Deceiver has had any overt involvement in the American political process.
“This is purely a business decision,” intoned the fallen angel, citing recent news he’d read online about record-breaking February temperatures. “Hell and Hell alone is the gold standard for what’s hot. We’ve been running some numbers down here, and make no mistake: I have no intention of ceding our position as a competitive force in the global marketplace. Not. On. My. Watch.”
Although she reported feeling “somewhat flattered” that The Gentleman Downstairs “has so much faith in my ability to stop climate change,” Stein said she was ambivalent about the endorsement overall. “Certainly we have some things in common. For example, we are both all about justice for the 99%,” Stein told BuildingGreen in a phone interview. “But I really have to wonder if Mr. Beezlebub realizes that, as President of the United States, I will also be working to end poverty, war, and systemic racism.”
BuildingGreen reached Senator James Inhofe (R–Oklahoma) by email to ask for comments on Lord Lucifer’s endorsement of Stein. “They don’t call him the Prince of Lies for nothing,” Inhofe wrote in reply. “I wonder how much the Climate Science Cabal is paying this guy to give credence to their hoax!”